10. Ralph Kiner (New York Mets) He only appears semiregularly on Mets broadcasts nowadays. Which is a shame, as we'd love to hear his garbled pronunciations of new Met reliever Ambiorix Burgos ("Amburger Burger") or former Metsie prospect Yusmeiro Petit ("Yosemite Pet Tit").
9. David Justice (YES Network) Perhaps the only announcer for whom it's not entirely clear if English is his primary language.
8. Thom Brennaman (Fox/Cincinnati Reds) He loves to scold, especially those players who gaze a smidgen too longingly at the moon shots they just launched into the ozone. Also, he's frequently—what's the word we're looking for here?—wrong. Last year, for example, he identified the rapidly slowing Brady Clark as one of the game's speedier players. Brennaman's prim, judgmental approach would seem a particularly good fit for the Miss America pageant.
7. Ron Santo (Chicago Cubs) We're trying to think what a Cubbie player would have to do in order to prompt even a mild scolding by Santo. Assault an umpire with a batting helmet? Expose his nether regions to a Girl Scout? Light a bonfire behind third base? In Santo's mind, it's always sunny in Chicago.
6. Ken "Hawk" Harrelson (Chicago White Sox) Any Hawk b'cast may or may not feature several of the following catchphrases: "Poof!," "Do some chunkin'," "Sit back, relax, and strap it down," "He's getting ridden hard and put away wet." No, they don't make any more sense within the context of a game. You gotta love how he shuts his trap when the Sox are down big, though. Maybe he's napping?
5. Steve Lyons (Los Angeles Dodgers) Don't get us wrong. We strongly encourage the mentally and cognitively impaired to pursue whatever professional opportunities come their way. But giving Lyons—he of the kindergarten wit and racial/ethnic insensitivity—ready access to a microphone seems akin to giving a pyromaniac ready access to a blowtorch. The end result can only be measured in degrees of tragic.
4. John Sterling (New York Yankees) Granted, every Yankees broadcaster is contractually obligated to report only happy things about the team ("gosh, that cervical collar sure picks up the blue in Carl Pavano's eyes!"). Sterling, however, takes the art of the shill to a new level, both in his blowhard hosting of YES Network extravaganzas like "Yankeeography: Joe Cowley" and his sad attempts to tag players with nicknames (Jason "The Giambino" Giambi). If we encountered him on the street, we'd pummel him with our shoe until he bleeds from the ears.
3. Mark Grace (Arizona Diamondbacks) The only way Grace could appear more desperate for in-game giggles would be if he donned a lampshade for the duration of his time on the air. He labels every other hit a "slumpbuster" and root-root-roots for the home team (in his words, the "Never-Say-Die-mondbacks"). If tripe like this truly adds "color" to a baseball broadcast, sign us up for a black and white world.
2. Chris Berman (ESPN) You like nicknames, eh? Well, how about this one: Chris "For the Love of God, Reign in the Puns and Lyrics From 1970s Songs" Berman. Despite much evidence to the contrary—Deadspin.com deserves a Peabody Award for its contributions to Berman Revisionism—he still seems to believe that his presence lends every event added cachet. Really, the only way in which he's bigger than the game is literally.
1. Tim McCarver (Fox) Here's how Tim McCarver might go about explaining the central premise of this feature: "See here, Maxim.com is writing about bad baseball announcers, a group that includes the baseball announcers who aren't good. What Maxim is doing, I think, is compiling a list—a series of names or other items written or printed together in a meaningful grouping or sequence so as to constitute a record—of the announcers who are lousy, poor, or inferior, if you will. So essentially, what they're trying to do is 'list' baseball's 'bad' announcers, in a list-like format.
If I'm paying $20 for a cigar, it better be "contraband."
Posts: 208 | Location: Villa Regis, The Empreyan Heights | Registered: January 10, 2006
"They're not real Cubans. They're Dominicans." Yeah. I'm a little worried. When there's no work, and the people get restless, who do you think they come after?... El Presidente!
Posts: 764 | Location: South Lyon, MI | Registered: February 08, 2007
Indeed, those are all pretty bad anouncers. One that might be in the top 20 worst is Skip Carey for the Braves who I've been listening to for about 15 years. While he is a good anouncer with some good commentary, he has a horrible voice to listen to.
I'll disagree with the hawk and ron santo. Being in Chicago I hear each of them plenty and by far this towns worst announcers are the current cub's announcers. Len Kasper and especially Bob Brenley are garbage.
BRING BACK STEVE STONE! I love the Pat and Ron show on 720 - I used to mute the tv and listen to them, but now the delays are so bad you can't enjoy it that way.
Posts: 222 | Location: South Bend, IN | Registered: October 14, 2006
Being from Illinois, I have some very good memories of a few trips to the ballpark. I even went to a couple of games at the old Comiskey field, but nothing can ever compare to Wrigley field and Harry Carey. This man has spilled more Budwieser on fans than anyone and by the bottom of the 6th he can barely talk straight. Not the worst, but memorable
"It is good that warriors such as we meet in the struggle of life"
Posts: 1101 | Location: Indianapolis | Registered: January 07, 2007
Originally posted by jms2788: This is off topic as it is a different sport, but does anybody besides me find those hockey announcers on Versus extremely irritating?
I have Open Ice, so I never have to listen to those guys.
I do not hear enough people call Berman for being an absolute nightmare. I mean, the guy is a one trick pony and has made a career out of it. He is an absolute annoyance.
For every bad baseball announcer, there are ten terrible announcers for NBA basketball. If there were no Charles Barkley, no one would watch. Bill Walton is a massive travesty.
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Originally posted by jms2788: This is off topic as it is a different sport, but does anybody besides me find those hockey announcers on Versus extremely irritating?
Having grown up listening to the CBC broadcasts, I'd have to agree. Nothing compares to Hockey Night in Canada.
As for baseball, in the great column I'd put another of my childhood announcers, Ernie Harwell-- he brought that soft southern voice to radio broadcasts of the Tigers, and we'd imitate his calls while playing sandlot ball: he just stood there like a house by the side of the road... What memories.
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"People who enjoy meetings should not be in charge of anything."
Also off topic, but the king of bad sports commentary has to John Madden. Anyone else agree? This is made all the funnier by the fact that he has the whole line of video games (I'm not knocking the games I enjoy an occasional game of Madden). If anyone has noticed the lack of a contemporary comedian who consistently does quality impersonations look no further than this guy; Frank Caliendo who does the best Madden ever.
here is a link to a clip:Caliendo Impressions you might have to skip through to find the madden but it is worth it. Hilarious.
Madden is awful, but he's a name brand now and sells very well. We'll be forced to listen to him until he dies.
"They're not real Cubans. They're Dominicans." Yeah. I'm a little worried. When there's no work, and the people get restless, who do you think they come after?... El Presidente!
Posts: 764 | Location: South Lyon, MI | Registered: February 08, 2007
I didn't know Berman did play by play baseball - I like him as a commentator on ESPN. He is over the top, but isn't that what sports commentary is all about?
I do have to agree with McCarver, however. He SUCKS!
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No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American people. -H. L. Mencken
Posts: 1468 | Location: Bugtussle, MS | Registered: August 24, 2006
Originally posted by minalpharetta: Well, if we're getting into "Madden" country and the like, how 'bout Dickie V, baby!
Oh how could I forget that walking parody of the english language. Good call on that one. You must be a regular Diaper-dandy. Got to give it to Digger Phelps as well, just on the fact that in recent years he has started matching his ties with the Hi-liter he holds in his hand but never uses. He should start painting his face with them, that would be good TV.
Since we've gone into the realm of Madden and Dickie V, how about Joe Theisman? This guy is horrible. I have hit the mute button on the remote many times thanks to him.
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Posts: 579 | Location: Norfolk, VA | Registered: December 25, 2006
I'll have to go with Sean Salisbury. I can't stand his on camera act: that semi-tough swagger. And every time he starts a sentence with, "Back when I was in the league", I thank God for the era of performance-enhancing drugs. They should lock him in a room with Stephen A. Smith and Pac-Man Jones' rap sheet, and see who can emote the most disgust in three minutes.
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The world Julian wanted to preserve and restore is gone...the barbarians are at the gate. Yet when they breach the wall, they will find nothing of value to seize, only empty relics. The spirit of what we were has fled.
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Posts: 522 | Location: St. Albans, WV | Registered: February 03, 2004
Harry and Skip were/are atrocious. I do like the SNL spoof on Harry, though...I think it's Will Farrell who does it.
Gotta cut McCarver some slack. He caught Bob Gibson.
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Posts: 10308 | Location: Avenida de las Nalgas, Quericæstan | Registered: May 02, 2002
Originally posted by Max Weinberg: Indeed, those are all pretty bad anouncers. One that might be in the top 20 worst is Skip Carey for the Braves who I've been listening to for about 15 years. While he is a good anouncer with some good commentary, he has a horrible voice to listen to.
That must have been who I heard tonight when stopped channel surfing to watch the Braves vs. Cubs. I could only stand 2/3 of an inning and had to turn the channel. Whoever it was was horrible!!!
