Anniversaries are interesting things. They are there to help us remember, but today is one that I want to forget...the one year anniversary of the deaths of my wife and son.
Why is it that I can remember this one...counted down the days in some morbid fascination that something might be different today. Our wedding, My wifes birthday, they were fleeting things that I couldn't hold on too when she was alive. But Oct. 30, that is a day that I can't get out of my head...Will never get out of my head.
Why do those other dates seem so important now that she is gone, but when I had the chance to celebrate them with her as joyous occasions they seemed so superfluous?
The birth of my son was supposed to be Jan 10th of this past year, I remembered it, I celebrated it. Our wedding anniversary, Her birthday, I remembered them, I celebrated them, they were all important...should have always been important. Today I will remember...I will observe.
And while there was pain in those other anniversaries, I could see something to at least find some peace in. Maybe the same can be true for this one.
Why do those other dates seem so important now that she is gone, but when I had the chance to celebrate them with her as joyous occasions they seemed so superfluous?
Because too many of us, me included, get caught up in the business of living, and forget to live.
Life is a rare and wonderful gift, and your story serves as a good reminder to us all to ENJOY IT EVERYDAY!
Good luck, and best regards to you my friend.
"How is it that you don't smoke ? A cigar is not just a pleasure, it is the crown and hallmark of pleasure. Ah, this is life ! - Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina
Its easy to say enjoy every day...but that's what I try to do...every time I get to sit with my 5 year old and just enjoy her company and her innocent questions...realizing that every day grows closer to the loss of that innocence...with my 9 year old asking me teenage questions knowing that one day very soon the questions may be put into practice...and through all of that I will grow older...these little things and thoughts are augmented perfectly by a great cigar, great beverage and music...I cant explain how those 3 components come together for me...they bring back good and bad memories and also make you appreciate the day...kind of a snapshot into the essence of life.
False guardian I will compel false as the fear of heaven and hell I should have known its all a mirage just as well
Posts: 1453 | Location: CA | Registered: June 02, 2008
I honestly don't know what to say to you except, like Doc, sorry for your pain.
While trite perhaps, the saying "time heals all wounds" has, I believe, some truth in it and I think you put your finger on it when you mentioned that the other anniversaries - you were finding some peace in. I hope you find that peace for this one as well.
Hang in there.
Posts: 926 | Location: Connecticut | Registered: August 22, 2008
There's little I can say that will help you feel better or get you through this day quicker, TP; but I can add this bit of perspective that will hopefully someday influence your ability to handle this date for the years to come:
As we move through life, our brains, by design, does it's best to forget about what pains us. Hence the blackouts or selective memory recall for those that have experienced trauma in their lives. As time passes, you too will likely allow your ongoing life to encompass you again, and that will help you forget about the pains, and some of the memories that evoke them, on a day to day basis.
This one date though, for today, and every year to come, will always help to remind you of those pains, (which is unfortunate) but will also remind you of WHY you have those pains. You will recall all of the love, all of the joy, and each of the magical breathtaking moments that created so many wonderful memories for you in the past, prior to that tragic date.
In time, I hope you can learn to cope with accepting that you cannot change the events of the past, and instead, focus on the memories of those joyous and fleeting moments that preceded all events of the anniversary date.
What I am trying to (poorly) say is, I myself have always accepted that there are two types of memories that get formed, both the positive, and the negative. However difficult it may seem, it is up to each one of us which ones we focus on in the future, as we surely cannot go back and change anything that created the past.
I to dont know what your going through but i beleive also they are in a better place . God bless you and hang in there , you have lots of friends here ready to lend there ear whenever needed. i myself have asked for prayers on here myself .
" I dont want to be a product of my enviroment I want my enviroment to be a product of me."
I am so very sorry for your loss. I could not imagine the pain. I agree with others, surround yourself with family and friends.
I know I am guilty too of looking 10 years from now and robbing joys of today. Take Care BOTL
"Cuban seed tobaccos grown in Nicaragua and Cuba. The wrapper would be from Cuba. The binder leaves would be from Nicaragua. For the ligero tobacco in the filler, he would use two types, one from Esteli and the other from Jalapa in Nicaragua. The other filler components, seco and viso, would come from Cuba, the former from Villa Clara, the latter from Pinar del Rio. That Cigar, he says with pride, would score 100 points." -Don Pepin Garcia
If you don't mind an opinion, why don't you see someone to talk through all this. It's major stuff, no need to carry it alone and this will stay with you for the rest of your life. Best to work through it.
May the Lord direct your hearts into God's love and Christ's perseverance. 2 Thessalonians 3:5
