"I feel sorry for people who don't smoke cigars. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day."

"Without either the First or Second Amendment, we would have no liberty; the First allows us to find out what's happening, the Second allows us to do something about it! The Second will be taken away first, followed by the First and then the rest of our freedoms." - Andrew Ford

"Look, I've boned a lot of fat chicks in my time, sure. But, as far back as I can remember, I've never fornicated anybody."