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Guant King Review: Guantanamera Cristales
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Picture of Boss Hog
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As your official Guant King, I have fulfilled my royal duty and took care of the Old Maid.

The Scriptures

Read them out loud in the yard, as requested.

Holy Water

Must have on hand in order to clean the palate. Not sure if two will suffice...

The Old Maid

Notice the light brown lumpy wrapper. Absolutely gorgeous.

The Head

This picture was taken right before cutting the cigar. Not sure if a fellow brother took a bite out of it along the way but...

First Third

As you can see, an impeccable burn. Aromas of popcorn and saw dust. Draw is quite nice.

Smoke 1

Smoke 2

A tremendous amount of thick dark smoke was emitting from this cigar. The smell was like a pair of dirty wet socks.

Ash 1

Nice solid dark grey ash. The cigar is very light and the flavors remain the same.

Ash 2

The ash is beyond an inch at this point and we are moving into the second third of the cigar. Note: An entire beer has already been consumed at this point.

Second Third

The cigar offers more of the same. No complexity whatsoever. Although, a slight mustiness is noticeable. Note: The Queen states that the odor is putrid.

Friend

Even the local wildlife is awaken by the aweful smell. But, as any honorable king would do, I mustered up the courage to move forward.

Ash 3

Pay attention to the black soot on the cigar band. Nasty. Note: Re-lighting the cigar was required at this point.

Final Third

The home stretch gentlemen. Or so I thought... The flavors suddenly change. Very harsh. Note: The smell is reminiscent of sweaty hockey equipment.

The End

Tried desperately to nub the Old Maid but at this point, I could no longer endure this unpleasant experience. Note: Also ran out of beer.

Summary: So glad this is over.
 
Posts: 1256 | Location: The Great White North | Registered: November 22, 2010Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Picture of Shlomo
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You make me sick.

Big Grin


Proud member of the International Brotherhood of people who contributed nothing but wasted their whole lifetime grumbling and criticizing on things they do not remotely understand.
 
Posts: 8924 | Location: Montreal, QC, Canada | Registered: February 18, 2010Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Picture of Danilosilni
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quote:
Originally posted by Boss Hog:
This picture was taken right before cutting the cigar. Not sure if a fellow brother took a bite out of it along the way but...


Sorry, couldn't resist taking a chomp out of that fine specimen of a cigar!


_______________________________________________________________________
Cigar smoker, meat eater, gun owner, booze hound, and the ladies dig me.
 
Posts: 1777 | Location: NYC | Registered: April 15, 2011Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Picture of SnakeDoctor
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Hilarious review!
 
Posts: 437 | Location: Canada | Registered: October 22, 2012Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Picture of str8dog
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You're a trooper G!


- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ---

Look away, and cast not your eyes upon me ... for I am the WorSwisherSire.

Chillin' with seegars, geetars, under pars ... oh ya, and Scotch.--
 
Posts: 3641 | Location: Trawna, Ontario, Canada | Registered: October 28, 2010Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Lol - You deserve a box of Esplendidos just for smoking that awful thing.
 
Posts: 573 | Location: Dallas, Texas | Registered: April 10, 2011Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Picture of Deadman's Point
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Gross. Just gross.


...actually, all of this is a lie...
 
Posts: 603 | Location: AZ | Registered: April 07, 2010Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Picture of Boss Hog
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quote:
Originally posted by Deadman's Point:
Gross. Just gross.


It certainly was. Woke up this morning and still had that aweful taste in my mouth.
 
Posts: 1256 | Location: The Great White North | Registered: November 22, 2010Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Picture of Shlomo
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So your saying that the finish was nice and long then?


Proud member of the International Brotherhood of people who contributed nothing but wasted their whole lifetime grumbling and criticizing on things they do not remotely understand.
 
Posts: 8924 | Location: Montreal, QC, Canada | Registered: February 18, 2010Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Picture of Boss Hog
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quote:
Originally posted by Shlomo:
So your saying that the finish was nice and long then?


Yes. That is was...
 
Posts: 1256 | Location: The Great White North | Registered: November 22, 2010Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Picture of bpierson
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quote:
Originally posted by Boss Hog:
quote:
Originally posted by Shlomo:
So your saying that the finish was nice and long then?


Yes. That is was...


I fully expect this to make the list of value cigars tomorrow, since it was unfairly left out of the top 10. Possibly the Altadis Honduran version will make the list next year.

Guantanamera Cristales:

Flavor and Aroma: 5 points
Finish: 90 points

A Classic cigar. I plan to buy my box before the list goes up, to beat the rush.




~~~
"I'm stupid, but I might not be crazy." - Hanno Breuckner

~~~
"At my age, you sweet talk to get OUT of a tight spot, not to get in to one." - ImTripN2
 
Posts: 4402 | Location: Bozeman, MT | Registered: June 30, 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Picture of sam92
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Outstanding review G! Wink
 
Posts: 1593 | Location: Montreal Qc Canada | Registered: April 12, 2011Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Bravo! The King is crowned!

You must be on a Holy Water diet for the next week or so to get rid of that wonderful taste in your mouth.


" I must point out that my rule of life prescribes as an absolutely sacred rite smoking cigars and also the drinking of alcohol before, after and if need be during all meals and in the interval between them": Sir Winston Churchill
 
Posts: 455 | Location: Montreal, QC, Canada | Registered: January 27, 2012Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Picture of Boknows
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Way to take one for the team.
 
Posts: 4001 | Registered: September 25, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Picture of Mike44njdevils
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Whenever I need a good chuckle, I read this.


------------------------------------
"Those satifactions are permanent."
 
Posts: 436 | Location: Fresno, CA | Registered: December 21, 2012Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Picture of Boss Hog
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quote:
Originally posted by Mike44njdevils:
Whenever I need a good chuckle, I read this.


Glad to see that some of you got some enjoyment out of my unfortunate experience. Razz
 
Posts: 1256 | Location: The Great White North | Registered: November 22, 2010Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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